Wednesday, October 22, 2008


So what it is they say about laughing at yourself? Fool me once....we won't be fooled again? Wait no, well whatever, let's just say this: if you laugh at yourself, shouldn't the people you know be able to laugh at you as well? Sure, why not.

So yesterday my company was putting on a software release kickoff for the new 2009 software. It was at OMSI here in Portland, the Oregon Museum of Science Institute. . Anyways, it was about midway through the morning session and I needed to use the restroom. So I walk out of the room and walk towards the bathrooms, right outside the room actually. So I am in there and the door opens next to me. Almost annoyed because there was 3 stalls and no one else in the other one, but whatever. So I look down because you always do when you can see the shoes, but something threw me off.

The shoes were small and the socks weren't socks, no they were, they were STOCKINGS! Holy crap I was in the wrong goddamn bathroom!!!! I started to freak. I was actually looking now thinking is there anyway those could be a dude's shoes? No frigging way. My heart almost stopped, and of course, since she is not a dude, she will be joining me for sure. Zikes! So she turns around (obviously) and watching a pair of shoes turn around has never been so scary in a stall. My first thought now is if I can see HER shoes.....Oh shit! I now slide my size 12 Freddy Flintstone shoes over as far as I can to the right. At least I was in the end stall if we had company. I am dying right now. How did I do this? So my hairy legs are literally as far off to the right as they can be without me falling off. Now I am in complete freak out mode. Do I try and beat her outta there, or do I wait it out? What if we have company? Oh my God, I am like how the hell did you screw this up, and how do I get out of here unnoticed.

So I decide to play beat the clock and get the hell outta there. All I am thinking now is it probably smells like a dude in here, and can she, or has she seen my feet? She would totally know those were not women's feet/legs. So I am almost ready to go and the door opens, crap! Now I have no clue when I am getting out of here. And of course it's a woman and a kid, chaperone probably, it's the frigging Museum of Science! And of course the place is already crawling with kids. I have to get outta here. The woman next to me leaves the stall, thank God. The other woman is in the third stall and the little girl is just washing her hands, I think. A lot of chatter was going on, I know that, and it wasn't helping. I knew I could get by the little girl, well because she is small. I was ready to run but I couldn't do it because the ladies toilet flushed. Damn it! Now I wait again. They finally leave and I am so embarrassed it is not even funny. I now start to walk out PRAYING no one else is coming in and no one did. I saw the woman and the kid outside but they missed me (I think). I ran into the men's room, washed up, and there was a dude in there, I felt like high fiving the guy, but I didn't.. I got out of it I think, but what a horrifying experience. And then I had to go back to my professional work event. It was fine though, I shook it off like a relief pitcher. We can all laugh about it now, Bonnie and I sure did last night. Whalzy, this one was for you brother, get well soon.